How Are You?

‘How are you?’

Three little words that are used several times in a single day.

The response is usually automatic:

‘I’m good.’

‘Not bad.’

‘I’m fine, thanks, and how are you?’

The inquirer is usually satisfied with the response and moves on.

But really, how are you?

How about actually stopping to assess our physical and mental well-being?

With the daily pressures we face, especially with the pandemic and its effects, many of us feel that we really cannot afford to start analyzing how our health is being affected. We just need to keep going, we tell ourselves. It will be alright. We feel we do not need to “burden” others with our problems. So we bury the pain and the fear. We shrug and reply, ‘I’m OK.’

How about being genuinely interested in the answer?

Without realizing it, we may have taken the term “social distancing” literally, becoming self-absorbed. We may not actually be listening to what our friends and family are saying, not realizing that they are experiencing the same anxieties and pressures as we are. Behind their smile might be a world of pain.

While physical distancing is for the moment necessary, we do not need to cut ourselves off socially. Nothing can replace human contact, but there are other ways of staying in touch with our loved ones, even when we cannot physically be with them.

Have you ever received a call or text message that really made your day?

Could yours be the call or text that brings a ray of sunshine into someone’s dark day?

Maybe you feel you do not know what to say or you are afraid to say the wrong thing. But a simple, ‘I was just thinking about you’, can make all the difference in the world to a loved one who is feeling isolated and lonely. Calling and just listening to them express themselves may be all that they need from you.

It is a proven fact that doing things for others boosts our emotional well-being. It shifts focus from our own problems when we make someone else happy. Send them a card, bake a batch of cookies or cupcakes for them, have a meal or groceries delivered to them, whatever is within your means.

However, in taking care of others, we should not neglect taking care of our own overall health: physical, mental and spiritual. When we are feeling down, we do not need to feel guilty and try to force the emotions down. The healthy thing to do is to acknowledge our feelings and face them. Eat right and get enough sleep. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy. Pursue a hobby or work on a DIY project.

If it is necessary for you to get professional help, there is no reason to feel shame. You have done nothing wrong.

It is important to have at least one person to whom we can honestly express ourselves.

We might be wary of expressing our true feelings because we are afraid of being judged. It is difficult to explain to someone else how you feel and why, when you do not fully understand it yourself. But true friends do not need you to validate your feelings. Even if they say the wrong thing or ask the wrong question, they have good intentions. They want to help in any way they can.

So the next time a loved one asks, ‘How are you?’, why not answer truthfully? And in turn, why not take the time to really listen to their response of how they are?

Thank you for reading!

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